It’s 12.08am and I’ve been lying in bed trying to get better at my speech, faster at saying it. We have to memorise it and although I’ve got it all in my head I’m really slow when speaking, and since it’s quite long I often get mixed up. I was getting worse and worse and feeling quite upset thinking what a dork I’m going to look like in front of my class tomorrow; breathing fast with my quick heartbeat shaking my body and seemingly fully audible. So I came out to see my bf. And he proved his worth. He made me feel lots better and I was reminded that it doesn’t matter… well, it will matter when I’m sitting in front of the class with them all looking at me, lost for words and seconds from tears… but apart from then it doesn’t matter… I will get better at Chinese sooner or later (or much later) – it’s inevitable, as long as I keep trying.
Y’know how there are always those “mature” students at uni, anywhere from their 30’s through their 80’s who have come back to uni after experiencing the “real world”? And they’re really intense about their study. They pay most attention in class, take the most notes and ask for extra homework. They talk to the lecturer after class in a way which suggests they’ve had multiple meetings outside class time. They are organised. They are focused. They are friendly, but don’t seem to care what other students think of them, trying their best and giving their all to any assignment or assesment, no matter how small.
Why are they this way? What makes them so focused and intense? I guess the answer would be that they’ve seen what you need to survive in the world. They’ve seen what is important, and what isn’t. What lasts and what doesn’t. They seem to think that looking like a dork in front of a room full of people for a few minutes isn’t as important as permanently improving your understanding of a new language. Go figure.