Euphamix

Being a woman

Being drafted

Losing my lining

Fighting the scarlet crusade

CSI: Vagina

I’m a Potential Murder Suspect (PMS)

On my moon

My cup runneth over

Trollin’ for vampires

Sitting on a nice merlot

Leak week

Going through a detrital phase

Being visited by Aunt Flo, Uncle Red, Cousin TOM (Time Of the Month) and Gramps.

With Moses

On the bus (Bleeding Uterus Syndrome)

Not praying

Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System

Reasserting my femininity

Being visited by the red bird of bitchiness

Over The Rainbow (On The Rag)

Shark Week

My vagina is emo (it’s so desperate for attention, it’s bleeding)

T-minus 9 months and holding

Visited by the red fairy

Flying Bravo

Bleeding the lining of my uterus through my sexual organs in a very painful way

 

Do you ever find yourself with a series of browser tabs open on a range of fascinating topics with absolutely no clue of how you got there? Clearly, I do. The above are some of my faves of the myriad euphamisms I found on the interwebs for having your period (in case you hadn’t figured it out by now) (If you hadn’t, I’m not judging you).

Some of them I find to be hilarious, others painfully realistic. But the overall response I had to the whole thing was: why do we have so many euphamisms? Is something that half of the people on earth experience for 1 out of every four weeks for most of their life really that taboo that we have to invent code words just to explain why we can’t go to the pool on Thursday?

That’s a bit scary, isn’t it?

I mean, we think we’re all modern and that but heaps of women still need code words to ask their husband to put tampons on the shopping list. Really? Teaching new generations to be ashamed of something it is natural and healthy for them to do and that they have no control over? Really? Do not make me give you the “being a potential childbearer is a powerful and treasured thing and womyn should be revered” speech. ‘Cause I will!

Obviously, some of them are just for fun. For example, I can’t wait for someone to ask me why I’m slow/emotional/leaning against something/can’t make it to Zumba next time I have my period. For the answer shall be “CSI:Vagina”*.

That’s similar to another fave of mine (and something which may have originally prompted my menstruation-related brower tab); No Strings Attached was a pale flop of a movie for me, despite performances by both the resplendent Natalie Portman and the wonderful Greta Gerwig. However. As many have noted there was one awesome scene. That’s right. The period scene.

Adam breaks the “friends with benefits” code by visiting Emma when she (and her two flatmates) are sick at home with their periods. He brings donuts and a frank, overly-caring sympathy for their condition. The scene is both awesome and hilarious because periods just aren’t like that. Periods gross guys out. And/or embarrass them**, and girls are often so ashamed of them they’re wary of any guy who is curious/sympathetic.

It’s here that Greta Gerwig as Emma’s friend Patrice, while lying on the floor stuffing a donut in her mouth, delivers one of my favourite movie lines ever.

It’s like a crime scene in my pants.

Instant hilarity. It’s like the filmmakers forgot that this truth that all women know is a total secret that we’re not supposed to talk about – and she just said right out loud! It’s funny ‘cos we’ve all been there (well, us ladies, anyway). And she’s so adorable.

I recommend going on YouTube to watch this scene, rather than renting the movie. Sorry, but I do.

The other thing Adam brings Emma in the scene is a mix CD. A period mix CD. See? It’s funny, ‘cos in movies guys are supposed to pretend periods are revolting or they just don’t happen, but instead he’s being nice to her! Ya geddit?
The tracks on the CD are listed below. Enjoy!

1. Evenflow – Pearl Jam
2. The Tide Is High – Blondie
3. Red Red Wine – UB40
4. Sunday Bloody Sunday – U2
5. I’ve Got The World On A String – Frank Sinatra
6. Muddy River – Johnny Rivers
7. Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
8. Here Comes The Flood – Peter Gabriel
9. Red Rain – Peter Gabriel
10. Waterfalls – TLC
11. Red Red Rose – The Weepies
12. Red Tide – Neko Case
13. Why Does It Always Rain On Me – Travis
14. I Love You, Period – Dan Baird
15. Just A Girl – No Doubt
16. Here Comes The Rain – Eurythmics
17. Everybody Hurts – R.E.M.
18. Stormy Pinkness – They Might Be Giants
19. Time To Flow – D-Nice
20. Blood Is Thicker Than Water – Wyclef Jean featuring The Product G&B

————————————————————————

*Provided that that person is a close female friend. Otherwise it’s a bit graphic and I don’t wanna inflict that on someone. (I find “I’ve got my period” suffices in those situations).

**Yes, this is a horrible generalisation. Yes, guys who don’t freak out about periods do exist and yes, I find them very attractive.

>> Many (many, many, many) words that people use for menstruation can be found here. Warning: surprisingly addictive

Read Full Post »

A Lot Like Love (2005)

When I wrote about What Happens in Vegas I may have said some negative things about that film, but Patrick of K.O.G Media pointed out that Ashton Kutcher has been in some pretty decent chick flicks, and cited A Lot Like Love as an example – and by gum he was right.

 This movie is the story of two people who meet accidentally… several times. But are there any real accidents? Emily and Oliver meet when they take the same flight from L.A. to New York. They go their separate ways shortly afterwards and the rest of the film shows their intermittant meetings, exchanges and departures over the following years. It’s a lot like Serendipity without the frustration.

As romantic comedies go, this one is pretty good. With less jokes and more amusing situations, it seems to tell a very possible story. I also found the periodic leaps forward in time a lot less annoying than you’d think. I even started to look forward to them in a “what’s going to happen next?” kind of way. I think this technique also made the story more believable as it gave a sense of significant time passing in their lives and allowed the characters to really change and develop in a short amount of screen-time.

The two leads were cool. Their easy relationship gives the film a really feel-good quality. Ashton did a great job… yup. So did Amanda. Ashton’s just so tall. It’s nice. And Amanda has pretty eyes. Uh huh… she seemed to have a bra problem throughout the film, though. Or a lack-of bra problem. I wonder if there’s a reason? I mean, does a director say “oh, and for this scene Emily’s not wearing a bra.” And as an actress you go “okay.” Or maybe it’s in the script “Emily – a vibrant, outspoken women in her mid-twenties whose bold exterior hides her inner lonliness. She likes rock music and junk food but hates cats, organised religion and bras.” Random. 

Oh, there were a couple of cool supporting roles in this film too. Again we have the compulsory best friend, this time played by the lovely Kathryn Hahn (who you may remember from another “bff” role in How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days), and Oliver’s (deaf) brother Graham, played by the v. cute Tyrone Giordano. These characters’ lives also develop alongside Emily and Oliver’s, and actually their lives seem to kind of mirror eachother’s. Weird.

 

Couple of “lol” moments – silent meal in the Chinese restaurant, Graham going to Emily’s door in Oliver’s place… him, there were more… but I forgot. There are also some slightly quirky warm fuzzy moments and some half decent quotes

Honestly, if you’re not willing to sound stupid you don’t deserve to be in love.

I would recommend A Lot Like Love as a date movie, or an “I’ve had a long week and feel like an easy movie that won’t make me feel worse” movie. Interested? I wouldn’t watch the trailer first if you havn’t seen it, I think it gives too much of the film away. And this is one chick flick that’s good enough to watch properly. Huzzah!

 

Director: Nigel Cole
Starring:Amanda Peet, Ashton Kutcher, Kathryn Hahn

Read Full Post »

What Happens in Vegas (2008)

I went to see this movie the other week because it looked fun, and Cameron Diaz is pretty and funny, and Ashton Kutcher is pretty and funny. And because my bf asked me and wanted to see it too! ❤

At the beginning of the film we are introduced to the two main characters separately. Cameron is Joy, a tightly wound, successful businesswoman. This in itself is funnier than it should be (because of the kind of characters she normally plays and what we know she will end up doing before the end of the film, not in a sexist way :P) ~ and it doesn’t last long. Ashton plays Jack, a guy who works for his dad making furniture. I’m sure you know the rest of the story – they meet in Vegas and wake up married.

Things that really bugged me about this film were things that just did NOT make sense. I mean, I know that when you go to see this kind of film realism and plot are not two key areas where you expect brilliance, but some parts were just annoying. Like getting the characters to Vegas. Jack: Gets fired. “Oh man, what am I going to do for money?” friend: “You’re realising this now?” Jack: “I know! I’ll go to Vegas!” …. pardon? The reason you’re going to Las Vegas, to stay in a nice hotel, party, drink and gamble for 2 days is that… you’ve got no money?? Joy’s reason was slightly better but for someone who “hates Las Vegas” she sure changed her mind in a hurry. I feel like I’m nitpicking but these things really bugged me as I was watching.

It has been noted that in movies these days the best friends get all the best bits. …I can’t think of any other examples right now but it’s definately true for this film. Joy’s bestie is Tipper. That’s right, that’s her name. The actress who plays her has an even better one: Lake Bell. For realz. Anyway she kinda stole the show for me, and not just because she insanely beautiful. Her character was really likeable in a I-hope-I’ll-never-meet-her kind of way. When Joy gets dumped she says she’ll call up her brother’s shady friends and get them to go round to his house every week, knock on the door and when he opens him punch him in the junk. When he asks “Why?!” they’ll say “You know why!!!” I just feel like here is a director who gets what a best friend is supposed to be like (gotcha back, Mel 😉 ) Jack’s best friend is called Hater. Random. Anyway he is extremely annoying but also has some funny dialogue and altercations with Tipper.

I had really high expectations for this movie and I guess that’s never a good idea. There were some really funny bits, watching Joy lob oranges at Jack’s head was a high point. And it was fun. Watching them try and live together was pretty amusing. Queen Latifah also made an appearance as their marriage councellor.

It all turned to custard in the end. Not to give too much away, but Joy’s big “moment of realisation” speech was so clichéd I couldn’t even hear what she was saying over my own disbelief, and Jack’s – I didn’t hear any of his either ‘cos I had Ashton Kutcher’s voice in my head – you know on Punk’d when he’s like mocking people in his big loud laughing voice? I just heard him taking the piss out of himself the entire time.

That said, it was a fun movie. I’m not usually one to go see movies with taglines like “Get Lucky”, but it was fun. Good date movie. I’d probably wait ’til DVD to see it otherwise. Stay after the actual movie finishes for the “6 months earlier…”, and an additional scene where Tipper comes good on her promise.

Director: Tom Vaughan
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Ashton Kutcher, Lake Bell, Rob Corddry

Read Full Post »